One year Ago

This is me one year ago. A lot has changed since then. Oh, and this is a big step for me to actually publish a picture of myself. But then, no one really reads this and also I have been thinking about the events of the past year and I happened to have a picture of myself from a year ago. Anyway, in the past year I have a watched a best friend get married in Hawaii (a place I absolutely love), watched another best friend lose her father, saw 3 friends get pregnant (one baby has arrived so far), weathered a tragedy of my own, lost my job (it was expected as my teaching contract had ended), gained 15 pounds (ughhhhh, I am diligently working on reversing this), and moved hundreds of kilometers away from all of my friends and family. My friend Tracy said 2007 was my year; it was the year I got married. 2009 has not been my year. Some great things happened and some things that hurt like a mother effer happened. We decided 2009 is her year. Hey, you can't have every year, right?

What do we think about the idea of FATE? Sometimes I like to believe in it. I am not religious although I do believe in a higher power; because I lack religiosity (word?), I rely on the stance that everything happens for a reason. That means: there is a reason I don't have a job, a reason Russ blew out his knee 2 days ago and can't work (or walk), a reason for me to be living in the snow amongst the bears in this crazy little (tiny really) mountain town.

Have you ever heard someone say that you are exactly where you are supposed to be? That you are heading in the right direction even if you are going the opposite way you want to be going? That sometimes backwards is the correct direction? This makes me feel better when life is in a schmozzle and nothing seems to be going my way.

Today I have had a lovely bowl of oatmeal, a sunny walk in the snow, a softly snoring kitty in my lap and a promise of red Thai curry tonight. My house is cozy, my husband loves me (and more importantly, I love him), my dog and cat and family are all healthy, and we are supposed to get 15cm of snow in the next 24 hours. If this is "where I am supposed to be" then I guess it isn't so bad. I will just keep hanging in there until things start to sing for me again.

Is There Anyone Out There?

I may be losing interest in my blog. Is there anyone out there? I know I have no followers, and I certainly don't know how to go about "sharing" this blog, but it is hard to keep going with it if there is no one even reading it. Writing is a relationship between the writer and the reader, wherein the writing is never complete unless someone reads it.

I finally got a job interview...to be a substitute teacher, but still. Not working doesn't work for me. I have gained 15 pounds despite working out and I drink wine pretty much daily. Not that I am an alcoholic. I am most certainly not, but I do enjoy wine with dinner and when you have no job to get to in the morning it isn't really that imperative that you have either no wine, or only one glass. So that has been weighing on me enough that I have decided to embark on a month of clean living. This means: one cup of coffee per day, max.; no alcohol of any sort unless I am using it in cooking (my clam chowder takes a 1/2 cup of white wine); daily exercise; absolutely no smoking at all, ever, and never again; healthy, mostly vegetarian food. I gotta get rid of this 15!!!!

So here are some things I know today....

• I don't feel like taking Banjo out for his walk


• A clean, uncluttered, cozy home can do wonders for your state of mind (mine is a cluttered, crazy mess so far today)
  
• cold feet are terribly annoying


• green or herbal tea makes you feel much better than coffee


• I have very little motivation


• this is becoming a negative Nancy type of list


• it is going to snow tomorrow (so they say)

Here are some things I don't know today....

• what to do with my hair (cut, colour, nothing?)


• how to get the pep back in my step
  
• what the point of writing this blog is.....

So, if you are out there....anybody. Make a comment. Say anything. What do you know/or not know today? Otherwise, I think I might be done with all of this blogging business.

Coyotes and bears and whining, oh my!

Have you ever wondered what you might do in a situation that you have imagined a multitude of times but have yet to encounter? Well, I found out and I'm not proud of myself.

The evening began in a fairly uneventful fashion with an omelet dinner for us and a chicken, egg, and kibble dinner for Banjo. Unfortunately, something about that combination did not agree with our poor canine friend but it would be 4:45 am before he divulged the full details. I decided to bed down at about midnight and as I left the living room, Banjo began dancing at the front door. As much as he loves walking (or woahing as we call it), this type of behaviour is unlike him, so I figured that he must have to use his bathroom and since the world is his bathroom, we went out to it for a 4 corners. We live at an intersection, and a 4 corners is where he gets to pee on every corner before bed.

So here is where I got to learn what I'm made of. I have been dreaming, imagining, envisioning, and contemplating what I will do if and when I run into a bear. You see, this is bear country and I am mildly obsessed with them. I see their poo, I see their tracks, I think I even smelled one once, but I have never seen one outside the glassed-in safety of my car. It snowed here on Sunday, so most of the bears have begun their winter hibernation... or so I thought. Banjo was snuffling away in the snow and I was waiting for him to complete his circuit of snuffling away in the snow when what did I see, but a large black bear crossing the street on the other side of the intersection. And what did I do? I ran. Can you imagine? I ran, despite all of the articles I have read, despite my husband's advice honed from 20 years of experience in the bush. Yes, I ran and I dragged Banjo along behind me (all 117 lbs of him). And I hurt my achilles tendon that had almost healed to boot! In my defense, the bear was too far away to catch me as I was directly across the street from our house and I didn't want Banjo to notice it because who knows what he would do? So, I ran inside and said,

"We saw a bear!!!!!!" Then I crept back out and tried to spy it again. Russ was less than impressed as he ambled to the bathroom in much the same nonchalant way as the bear had sauntered across the street.

"Good for you guys," he said.

I RAN. Shameful.

The excitement did not end there. After about an hour, Banjo began to whine again. Usually when this happens, it is an emergency of the back-end variety. Russ got up this time and I heard the heavy excitement breathing that Banjo displays before every outing. Then I heard the door open, a bark, the door close, and Russ talking to Banjo inside. What happened? More wildlife! A coyote in the middle of the intersection. Russ came back to bed and Banjo whined intermittently for the next 3 hours, keeping everybody awake. It gave me some frightening insight into what having babies will be like.

I finally got up and sat with Banjo to try to keep him quiet so Russ could get some sleep before his 5:30 alarm went off. As a last ditch effort, I let him outside once more but all he did was roll around in the snow and pee. Once inside, I chastised Banjo repeatedly for his whining and obsession with the front door. Finally at about 5:00 I decided to give him one more shot. Let's just say I found out what all the fuss was about. It was a back-end emergency after all.

I did not want this to be an all animals all the time blog, but apparently I don't have much else going on right now. Ah well... time for oatmeal.

The snow, the snow, the snow

The snow has arrived. It started last night and continued to fall into the afternoon today. Because of the snow there was a "planned" emergency power outage to remove a tree from a power line. Planned in that they called beforehand, which I of course screened and then had no idea that it would only last 45 minutes, and thus was painting all sorts of dire scenarios that starred me with blue lips and chattering teeth wrapped in a ragged gray blanket. This would be after the power had been off for weeks. You see, most residents around here have wood stoves and we do not. We have a furnace. A furnace that had to have its pilot light relit after the outage. Poor Russ had to spend at least an hour fiddling with it.

And this is my town. Where it will snow all winter and I will try to figure out what it all means and maybe start a family and maybe get a job I like or maybe go back to school. Maybe I will be a substitute teacher or maybe I will just fly in the face of all that is expected and just do nothing!

At any rate, Banjo LOVES the snow. We went for an enchanting hike in the forest this morning and Russ carefully watched out for a goblin ambush while I complained that my hiking boots were a half size too small. Banjo snuffled through the drifts and flopped down for excessive rolling at every opportunity.

Time for wine and Indian curry (chicken vindaloo specifically). Happy Monday!

Doing - not just being

Okay, it is Sunday morning and Bonz/Bons is curled up on my lap.

A note about Bonz- Bonz is my kitty; she is 15 years old (that is 76 in cat years). She is the prettiest kitty I know but she has some personality issues. She has struggled in the past with her personal interactions with: other cats- most, but she has cohabitated with 2 (Snake and Nitty); dogs-all; strangers, especially men; my mother-in-law, though not for lack of her trying; my father; children, otherwise known as monsters to her - anyhow, you get the idea. Her name has had a real evolution too and perhaps she has an identity crisis because of it, though I highly doubt it as she considers herself queen of the world like most cats.

Her name: She started out as Judy. Historically I have had...trouble... coming up with good pet names until recently. After Judy just wouldn't stick and everyone was calling her "The Kitty." I then changed it to Josie, which lasted about 5 days. So, she was The Kitty until I met my husband. He nicknames almost everything and I was telling him that when I lived with 4 other girls and The Kitty was younger, one of them used to call her Flatso because she would lie on the bed resembling a pancake. He started calling her Flatso Bonaduce (pronounced bonadoochay), which became Bona and then that was her name for a few years until it changed to Bonz. I always thought it was spelled Bons until he told me it was Bonz (like The Fonz). So, she is Bonz and she is perfect and sleeps with us every night, sometimes so soundly that I have to shake her because I am afraid she is dead. She has started snoring recently - soft little whistles through her nose.

Today's post is about doing. I have become inspired to add pictures to my posts and not just old ones from the cache that I already have. I am going to try my hand at taking pictures around my new town. I have taken 2 photography courses and I fear I do not have "an eye" for it but I will try. Lately I have been sinking into myself a bit and watching too much TV and hiding from myself and the world. I am going to try to change that and this blog is part of it. I wish I could go for a run, but my left achilles is sore so I may just have to settle for the gym. Soon the snow will come and I will be able to snowshoe or cross country ski for my exercise. 90% chance of 10 cm this Thursday!!!!!

Here I am again!

Here I am again already. I have just read a few blogs of note and I am in love. This forum that I was so hesitant to take up may well be part of a reawakening for me. There are so many inventive, creative, artistic, funny, moving blogs to read. I have been living an "unimportant" life for the last few months having been laid off from my job as a high school English teacher. ASIDE - I had a teaching dream last night. I threw all the kids (the whole class!) into an old, decrepit muscle car and took them on a field trip up to the park I used to go to as a child. The Principal was not notified and I am not much of a rule breaker, I must admit, so this was stressful for me. I then gave them a lecture on the one-on-one basketball court using a video projector showing a movie with Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper. Then we walked/drove back to school and I told them not to tell their parents. Their assignment was to write 500 words on anything they had experienced on that field trip. BACK TO REALITY - So there is this one blog called Nat the fat rat (I think; I will add it to my following list) and she too is unemployed and living an "unimportant" life. And she writes that she spends her days "noticing things." Can you believe that. I think it is one of the most beautiful and inspiring things I have ever read. I think my life (outlook or perspective at least) is about to change.

Currently thinking about how much I love my husband and how he is the littlest, most whimsical creature ever, despite the fact that he is six foot six and change. That's him up top.

I think I miss the ocean...

So this is my first post in a forum which I swore I would never participate in. Blogs: scary, public, egotistical, self-involved, useless, etc. But here I find myself. At first I wanted to have one of those poetic, spare blogs filled with poetry and perfectly composed photographs of models and landscapes and light. Then I wanted my blog to be funny. I have read a lot of excellent blogs in the past couple of days and it has proved mildly intimidating. The intimidation factor would be extreme were it not for that facts that I will not divulge my identity photographically or otherwise (the above is mom the year before she died) and also, no one will read this, which is why it isn't self-involved or egotistical - more like a diary where I am venting, trying to figure out my life, and musing on my current obsessions. Now I just want this blog to be truthful.

So the truth about me - I am not overly poetic or overly hilarious so I had to settle for just being me on these posts. I am a girl (a woman really I guess); I am unemployed and I have recently moved with my husband to a small ski town. I am not, as of yet, a winter sports enthusiast, but we will see. I watch too much TV, which is perhaps what keeps me from being a more interesting person. I am creative but I don't usually create. This is supposed to help with that.

My current obsessions:

bears
snow
books
horror movies
writing
reading other people's blogs (it is so voyeuristic)
grammar (so if anyone ever reads this, please feel free to correct any grammar, usage, or sentence structure problems/mistakes you see)
training my willful 120 lb dog
my beautiful geriatric kitty
bears
snow
figuring out what the f to do with my life
cooking (roast chicken and vegetables with oven fries tonight)
not answering my phone - even when people I really, really like are on the other end
Nat the Rat's blog

So, I guess that's it for today. I am sure I will post quite often as I really don't have much else to do with my time, not having a job at all, ha! Well, all in all I think I am down with blogging.